Wow. Where does the time go? I was reading a devotional the other day (Seeing Beautiful Again by Lysa Terkeurst) and realized a new post is long overdue. I have been wanting to sit down and write something for a while now, but this is the final nudging I needed to begin. But first, let me share a bit from the devotion:
Lysa starts with Genesis 50:20 and uses it to discuss how God has a plan for each of us; plans for good (Jeremiah 29:11). We may not see it right now, but our stories are being written to bring about healing, not just in our lives, but in others' lives as well. Lysa explains that the enemy will continue to put thoughts of doubt in your mind and tell you it's not worth it, but "Don't you dare listen...so much of what we go through isn't just for us - it's for the saving of others...your story, surrendered into the hands of God, will not be wasted."
Man. Those are some powerful words.
In April of 2020, I started listening to a podcast by Jen Lilley (Fostering Hope with Jen Lilley). Listening to this podcast stirred something in my heart about foster care. I started remembering stories from when I was younger of hearing people talk about being foster parents. And, I had recently attended a church that largely supported foster care and adoption. Listening to the podcast made me realize I was waiting for the 'perfect' time to begin my own journey to becoming a foster parent. I was waiting until I was married, had the perfect home, and until I was perfectly 'healed'. Listening to Jen's encouraging words made me realize, there is NO PERFECT time for any of this. I had been saying for years that I fully believed so many of society's problems could be 'fixed' if only we started loving children the way they are supposed to be loved: unconditionally. From my time working as a forensic nurse and a prison nurse, and as an advocate against human trafficking and child abuse, I learned the statistics of where kids in foster care end up as adults. To put things simply, it's not a pretty picture. In fact, it is absolutely heartbreaking. It was time for me to put my words into action.
The summer of 2020, I essentially spent homeless. I moved several times, and was literally packing my clothing into trash bags for each move. Shortly before I was kicked out the home I had only been in for 7 months, a family from church offered to let me stay with them; furbabies and all. For them, I am eternally grateful. I spent that summer working and trying to find a home. It wasn't until October that I would finally start moving into my current home.
From the time Jen Lilley read my email on air in her podcast, I knew my new home was meant to provide love and shelter for foster kids. By January, I was well into the application process with the local county Children and Youth Services to become a foster parent. My motto was, "One loving parent is still better than no loving parent."
In March and April, I attended the required classes to become a foster parent. Everything was going well, until they required paperwork from the VA confirming that I was "of sound mind" to be a foster parent considering my diagnosis of anxiety and depression. And, we all know how 'quickly' the VA operates. A few months later, the agency still had not received the paperwork they required, and my background checks had expired. I started to lose hope. I started to think maybe I was wrong once again about what I had been hearing from God. I felt lost and alone, again. I shared this with a close friend, and she responded by sending me a simple, yet powerful, gift: a necklace that simply stated "Faith" written on the shape of a cross. I haven't taken this necklace off since. It now serves as a constant reminder to just have faith.
In August (2021), I was taken completely by surprise when I received the phone call stating they had all the paperwork they needed and just needed to stop by for a final home visit. I had honestly given up that this was the time for me to become a foster parent. On August 19th, after spending 24 hours straight cleaning and trying to organize my disorganized home (I'm still unpacking...lol), I 'passed' my final home inspection and all that was left was to redo my background clearances. As a nurse and an employee of a public school, I had been through this process more times that I can count. I was quickly able to accomplish the online component and had scheduled the in person part for the next day. Not even two hours later, as I was finally laying down to get some much needed rest, the phone rang. I was informed there was a 16 year old who would possibly be needing a home. To say I was surprised at how soon I received that call is an understatement. But, I figured, this is what I was signing up for and said yes. Long story short, this young man didn't come until the next day, but saying yes to him was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Although he is no longer living with me, we still keep in touch to this day. (He was actually just recently reunited with his bio father and I couldn't be more happy for him!)
The transition from single, independant woman to single, completely dependant mom has definitely not been an easy one. I had only recently found a new church and was only starting to make connections within the church. Slowly, but surely, I started building my 'village.' This village has saved me on many occasions; through helping provide transportation, words of encouragement, and covering me and everyone in my home in prayer. Although our society is no longer set up this way, it truly does take a village to care for children, and each other for that matter.
Being a single foster mom has been one of the most challenging things I have ever done in my life. But, I now have some understanding of why I had to endure some of the personal events in my life. It has helped me create a bond and understanding of those in my home. I understand the fear of abandonment, the hopelessness of feeling that I can't count on anyone else in life, and the realization that those who are closest to us can be the ones who hurt us the most. Through my professional experiences, I understand how trauma completely rewires the brain and is displayed in so many external ways (angry outbursts, disobedience, manipulation, etc.) It is more than exhausting trying to remember all of that in the moments when it is needed the most; the moments when angry words are being exchanged, when intentionally hateful and hurtful comments are being directed at me. But, these are the moments where my love, and more importantly, the love of Christ can also be on display in huge ways. When all is said and done, to be able to come back and say, "I still love you" is not my love, but God's unconditional and complete love flowing through me to the people who need to hear it, and feel it, the most.
My story is full of moments where I have been hurt, moments where I have been defeated, and moments of feeling absolutely hopeless and helpless in my circumstances. But, these moments that felt as though they were meant to destroy me, moments meant for evil, have become absolute blessings in my life that have helped me be able to bless others; maybe even save their lives. My story is nothing but God using me and placing me in just the right place, at just the right time, even if I don't understand it in the moment.
"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." - Galatians 6:9 ESV
If you would like to hear more on my journey to becoming a foster mom, listen to Episode 003 of The Power Within Podcast with Laurie at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/003-katie-heil/id1614718695?i=1000556588714
References:
Terkeurst, Lysa. (2021). Seeing beautiful again: 50 devotions to find redemption in every part of your story. Thomas Nelson; Nashville, TN.
Fostering Hope - With Jen Lilley https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/fostering-hope-with-jen-lilley/id1503743084 (My email was read on the "Dr. John DeGarmo" episode that aired on June 1, 2020)
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